Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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