Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
