I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
