well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
