On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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