Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
