that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
