so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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