So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
