my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
