You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
