trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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