if i can run in heels then i can drive
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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