What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
