I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
