mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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