you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
