My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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