So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
