weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
