apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
