I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
