I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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