i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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