dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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