You're earring is so big in my mouth
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
