I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
