I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
