I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
