i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
