do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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