so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
