I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
