Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
