dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
