if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
