my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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