He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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