i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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