I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
