I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
