So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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