Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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