My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
