soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
