IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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