dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I believe in your delicious
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
