So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize