We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize