you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize