What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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