i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
