I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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