The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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