im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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