I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
