Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
