You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize