yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
