Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
