please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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