I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
