Farmville is her only friend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sobbing to NWA
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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