In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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