last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
