yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
