I think i sorta joined a cult last night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
