so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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