My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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